Born in Ilford 1970, award-winning actress Tamzin Outhwaite studied at the Sylvia Young Theatre School and London Studio Centre and performed in musicals before landing her big break in EastEnders, where she played Melanie Owen. Since then, she’s had leading roles on TV shows such as New Tricks, Hotel Babylon and The Fixer, and been in films such as Bull on Netflix, Out of Control, Great Expectations, and 7 Seconds. Last year she appeared in Abigail’s Party at Theatre Royal Stratford East in London. This autumn she stars in Entertaining Mr Sloane at The Young Vic in London and on Murder Before Evensong on Channel 5. She co-runs the non-profit We Free Women, providing fully-funded wellbeing retreats for women who are struggling. She lives in London with her daughters Flo, 17, and Marnie, 13. 

Here she looks back on the moments that changed his perspective on work, love, family, money and health.

I found my tribe when I left Essex to study dance and drama at college in King’s Cross. Suddenly I was living with all types of people. There was diversity everywhere. People from different places. All different sexualities. I was doing what I really loved but in a world of acceptance of everyone. I met some great people who I’m still friends with now.

Playing Mel in EastEnders was a big turning point career-wise. If you can do soaps – with the number of scenes you have to learn every day – then you can pretty much do anything on telly. I feel the same about theatre. If you can do musical theatre where you’re holding harmonies, dancing and acting, you can pretty much do anything in theatre. EastEnders led to lots of scripts coming through and paved the way for a variety of TV roles. It opened a lot of doors.

It’s very different learning lines when you have perimenopause. When I was younger, I could just read something twice and get it. Now’s it’s a real lesson to just try and stay in the moment all the time. My perimenopause is under control because I’m on HRT, taking supplements and making sure that I look after myself, but I do think perimenopause is a disruptor and once you get into a situation where you’ve got it covered, medically and emotionally, then I feel like it’s a rebirth.

I class myself as semi-retired now. I kind of come out for retirement for something that I really love the idea of. It has to either be a strong script or location that you’re not going to say no to. Some things pay terribly, but the scripts are brilliant. Some things pay brilliantly, but the script isn’t.

Right now, I’m having a love affair with myself. I’ve been single for over a year and I haven’t even flirted with anyone, let alone had a date. I don’t know whether I’ve suddenly become the person I was always meant to be, but I know that I don’t want to be in a relationship for a while. It’s really quite exciting. My bed is my own. My home is mine and my kids. And I really like doing my own thing. I don’t want to check in with someone every single day unless they’re my children. I am very comfortable alone, but I’m not sure why I’ve never allowed myself to be single for this long. I don’t want to bring anyone else into my kids’ life at the moment. And I don’t want to be a nurse and I don’t want to be a purse – I don’t want to pay for people and I don’t want to look after them.

Saying that, my friends made me join Raya [the dating app]. I don’t even know how it works and I keep forgetting to check it and whenever I look at it, people are in different parts of the world and I just think, well, I’m not going to San Francisco for a date. So, I haven’t even had a date from that. Obviously I don’t care enough at the moment. I definitely don’t have the time. I really just want to learn my lines, feed and walk the dogs, make sure my dad’s all right, make sure my kids are okay, eat good food and exercise. Honestly, I don’t know how people fit it in.

I’ve navigated a strong relationship with my ex [Tom Child], who I share a dog with. But the reason we’re great friends is because he has a great energy. I like being around him and he likes being around me and the energy is good. The kids really adore him and he adores them, and I just think it’s important to have positive people in your life like that. But it’s not a friends with benefits situation. We’re just mates.

Running We Free Women retreats has been a big turning point in my life. It’s quite astounding how broken some people are when they arrive and how lifted they feel when they leave. We all end up in the kitchen cooking and then we’ll have a little cry because of what someone shared. The arts are important but what we’ve discovered is really quite wonderful. It’s given me purpose in life.

My mum’s death is the toughest thing I’ve had to deal with. But that is still ongoing, and there are positives to be taken from that, which are that I never saw her ill or old. I still have this memory of my mum being this vibrant, young woman. She worked as a mortgage advisor and was instrumental in me getting on the property ladder. She also helped others in the arts – writers, musicians, directors – secure a mortgage. I would start a new job and walk on the set and at least three people would come up to me and say, your mum helped me with my mortgage.

One of the favourite things I’ve done is build a house – like a cabin – at the end of my garden for my dad to live in. We did it seven years ago. He was very unwell at the time and I didn’t know how long he was going to be around but he’s still going. I’m so pleased because my kids have grown up with their grandad so close to them.

I’m obsessed with my sauna. I use it up to five times a week. It cost about £3,000 and apart from my dad’s cabin, it’s the best money I’ve ever spent. If I’m feeling low or tired, I can just go in there and sweat. I always feel better afterwards.